Find My Way Back
by lonelyinthesky
Summary: Damon's back, but Elena's memories of him are not. And now, thanks to Alaric's new mortality, they aren't coming back. Ever. If they even want to have a future together, they will have to start over from the very beginning. How will they cope? Will they finally call it quits once and for all? Or will they find a way to make it back to each other?


**A/N: Hi everyone! So this is my first Vampire Diaries fic, and I'm not even sure if it will be very good, but it's just an idea that popped into my head earlier in the season. I hope you don't hate it!**

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Chapter 1: Gone

Gone. Her memories were gone. Alaric's vampirism disappeared and with them went any and all happy memories that she had once shared with Damon. Elena clenched her fists so tight that she heard the cracking of the screen of her phone that she had forgotten she was holding in her left hand. She had the conversation with Ric playing on a loop in her head.

_Elena, I'm human now. I don't have the ability to compel vampires anymore. I'm sorry._

She pictured Damon's face when he had heard the news. His heart was broken. Even though Elena felt no love for the man who claimed to be the love of her life, she could see the pain etched into his beautiful facial features. He may not have her heart anymore, but she had eyes. She could tell when someone was hurting. And knowing that she was the cause of that hurt that she saw behind his eyes made her feel traces of remorse.

Suddenly, Elena became overcome with rage. So maybe her life would be better without Damon in it, but what if it's not? What if she never finds something that makes her as happy as she once was with him? She wanted the chance to choose her own destiny, but with Alaric's new-found mortality, her "safety net" had disappeared. She had once again lost her right to choose her own fate.

Elena chunked her phone against the wall and let out a disgruntled shout. She was frustrated. She was mad that Alaric had almost died. She was mad that there was a spell on Mystic Falls had a spell on it that prevented her from going home without dying. She was mad that Damon had even died in the first place. She was mad that her best friend still wasn't able to return because she was trapped in the hell-hole where Damon used to be. But most of all, she was mad at herself. She was mad that she wasn't strong enough to be able to handle her grief like everyone else around her had been. She was mad that she was so _weak _that she couldn't live a life without Damon. She was mad that she compelled away her memories. She was mad that she had tarnished something that was once the happiest part of her life. This was all her fault.

"Whoa," she heard from the doorway. Her head snapped up toward the voice where she saw Damon standing in her open doorway.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side," he said smirking.

God bless him. He was trying so hard. He wanted nothing more than for Elena to remember him and the epic love that hey once shared. But he also knew that he couldn't force it. As much as he wanted her to remember, he wouldn't force those feelings on her. He was practically a complete stranger to her. All he could do was give her space—something that was nearly impossible to do.

Elena's frown softened at Damon's attempt to lighten the mood.

"Hi," she greeted him shyly.

"Hi," he said back with a smile. God, his smile was gorgeous. She may not remember him or any positive feelings she once had for him, but man he was beautiful. Anyone with eyes could see that.

She looked into his beautiful, crystal blue eyes, and was completely lost in the moment. For a minute, she forgot where she was; she forgot all the drama and craziness that seemed to surround them at all times; she forgot that there were crazy people in Mystic Falls who were trying to kill her and the rest of the vampire race. In that moment, all that mattered was Damon.

"What are you doing here?" Elena asked breaking the intense eye contact.

"Um," Damon said, racking his brain for the reason that he had even come here in the first place.

"I didn't mean it like that," Elena said cursing herself. "I just meant that with everything that's been going on—is there a problem?"

"Oh no. Nothing like that," he said, thankful that she had given him a moment to find his words. He couldn't believe what this girl could do to his head, without even saying anything. All it took was one glance from her chocolate brown eyes and he was done for. He was weak.

"I just," he started, "I wanted you to know that I don't want you to blame yourself."

Elena looked down at her feet. How had he known that she hated herself for compelling away their relationship? How had he known that she thought that this was all her fault?

"I know you've been thinking it since the moment you found out I was back, and I want you to stop. Did it hurt when I found out that all of your memories were us were gone? Yes. And do I wish that you would have kept hope alive that I was coming back? Abso-freaking-lutely. But it can't be undone thanks to our friend Ric's newfound mortality. And there's nothing I can do about it. I can't force feelings on you anymore than I can make you remember. So I understand why you did what you did, and I sincerely want you to know that I am _not _mad at you. Frankly, if I were in your shoes, I don't know how I would have coped in a life without you. So I understand why you did it, and that is what makes this next part so hard because it would be so much easier if I could just spend the rest of eternity resenting you. It would save me so much heartache if I could just move on from you—but I can't. There is not a bone in my body that could ever hate you, Elena Gilbert. And that is what makes this so hard," Damon finished with a sigh.

"What are you saying, Damon?" Elena asked. She was at a loss for words. She had no idea how Damon was able to read her that well. She had no idea how he knew everything that she was thinking. Maybe what they had was really as special as he had been telling her it was.

"I'm saying that I'm letting you go. Despite every fiber of my being telling me that I should hold on to you and never let go, I'm letting you go. It's what you need. You need time to find yourself, and then maybe one day in the future you can find your way back to me. This will prove to be the hardest and most selflessly, out-of-character thing that I have ever done, but here I am, taking a page from my brother's handbook and being the martyr. I love you so much that it hurts me, Elena. But I can't have you if your heart isn't in it. I can't make you love me. So I am letting you go."

Damon made his way over to where Elena was standing a few feet in front of him. He placed a kiss on her forehead that lingered for a just a second.

"Goodbye, Elena," he said, and with that he was _gone_.

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**A/N: So there you have a short, intro chapter to this new story. Let me know what your thoughts are and if I should continue! R&amp;R please :) Hope you enjoyed this first chapter! XOXO**


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